Begin with permission, not equipment
Ask the person whether they would enjoy making a recording and explain who it is for. They may like the idea of leaving stories for family, but dislike a formal interview or want some subjects left alone. Let them choose what is discussed, who may hear it and whether the recording can ever be shared publicly.
Consent is an ongoing choice. Ask again before each conversation, and stop if the person becomes tired, uncomfortable or changes their mind. If they agree to a private family recording, that is not permission to post it online later.
You could begin simply: “I love hearing your stories and the way you tell them. Would you mind if I recorded one for the family? We can stop whenever you like.”
Keep the first recording small
Trying to record an entire life can make the moment feel important in the wrong way. Plan for ten or fifteen minutes and one subject: a childhood home, a first job, how two people met or a family saying.
A short, enjoyable conversation can be followed by another. A long session that leaves somebody exhausted may never be repeated. If the person is seriously ill, spending ordinary time together matters more than completing a recording.
Use the simplest equipment
A modern phone is usually enough. Its voice-recorder app may produce clearer sound than a video, and it places less pressure on someone who does not want to be filmed. A laptop or small audio recorder can also work.
- Put the device on a stable surface rather than holding it.
- Choose a quiet, familiar room and close windows if traffic is loud.
- Turn off television, radio and noisy appliances.
- Place the phone roughly an arm’s length from the speaker.
- Switch on Do Not Disturb so a call does not interrupt the recording.
- Record twenty seconds and listen back before beginning properly.
Do not wait for studio conditions. The natural sound of the room may become part of what makes the recording familiar. The aim is to hear the person clearly, not to make a broadcast.
Start with an easy question
Questions with a single factual answer can make conversation feel like a test. Begin with something that gives the person room to choose where the story goes:
- What was your home like when you were little?
- Who made you laugh when you were young?
- What did a good Saturday look like?
- How did you meet the people who became important to you?
- Which job taught you the most?
- What family tradition would you keep?
- Which sayings did your parents or grandparents use?
- What advice have you found yourself repeating?
- What ordinary thing always improves your day?
- What story do people always ask you to tell?
Ask one question, then listen. A pause does not need to be filled immediately. The unexpected details often arrive after somebody has had a moment to think.
Follow their words rather than your list
Your prompts are only a way into the conversation. If the person mentions a neighbour, a song or a journey with feeling, ask about that instead of moving to the next prepared question.
Useful follow-ups are short: “What happened next?”, “What did she say?” or “How did that feel at the time?” Avoid correcting dates while the person is speaking. You can check factual details later without breaking the story’s rhythm.
Try not to polish their language. Their accent, grammar, repeated phrases and small digressions are part of the record. A written biography can preserve information; audio also preserves how they speak.
Invite the everyday voice
Life-story questions can produce valuable memories, but a person’s most recognisable words may be much smaller. Ask about the expressions they use without thinking:
- How do you answer the telephone?
- What do you say when somebody is worrying?
- Is there a complaint the family knows by heart?
- What would you say when dinner was ready?
- Which joke have you told more than anybody can count?
- How do you sign cards or messages?
Let them demonstrate the phrase in their own voice. You may find more prompts in Once Spoken’s questions for remembering someone’s words and habits; use only those that feel comfortable and relevant.
Use photographs and objects when words are difficult
A photograph, recipe, tool, piece of music or familiar object can give a conversation somewhere concrete to begin. Ask what is happening, who is present or why the object mattered. Do not assume the person will remember every name or date.
If somebody lives with memory difficulties, follow their pace and avoid turning gaps into a test. A story can still be valuable when a date is uncertain. Note what is known, what is approximate and who may be able to confirm it later.
Record several small pieces
Separate recordings are easier to label, back up and share appropriately. A useful series might be:
- childhood and home;
- work and practical knowledge;
- friendships and family;
- favourite places, food and music;
- sayings, humour and advice; and
- a story they want future family members to know.
The person does not need to discuss illness, death or a final message. Those subjects should only be included if they want to raise them. A conversation about an ordinary holiday or a badly behaved dog may preserve far more of their personality.
Save the original before editing
As soon as the conversation ends, give the file a clear name, such as Nan-childhood-home-2026-10-26.m4a. Keep the original unchanged and make at least one copy in another safe place. For irreplaceable recordings, use another device or drive and reputable cloud storage rather than relying on one phone.
If you later remove a long silence or make the sound louder, edit a copy. Never alter the only version. Once Spoken’s guide to preserving voice recordings explains safe copies, file organisation and privacy in more detail.
Write down what the file contains
A short note will make the recording understandable years later. Record the speaker’s name, the date, who else was present, the subjects discussed and any names or places that may be difficult to hear.
You can create a transcript, but keep the audio too. A transcript preserves words; it cannot preserve tone, laughter, pace or accent. Automated transcription can help, but check names and unusual expressions against the recording.
Decide together who may hear it
Before sharing, ask the person to make a clear choice: private to one person, available to close family, or suitable for a wider audience. Write that decision beside the file. If other people can be heard, ask their permission too.
Keep private medical, financial or family information out of public copies. Music or television in the background may also belong to somebody else. When in doubt, preserve the original privately and share only a carefully chosen extract.
If the conversation is emotionally difficult
Recording a parent, partner or friend can bring up grief even while they are still present. You do not have to hide that feeling, but the person should not be made responsible for producing the perfect keepsake. Stop, have tea, talk without recording or leave the idea for another day.
Marie Curie’s guidance on leaving memories also notes that recordings are not comforting for everybody. Talk about what the intended recipient would want rather than assuming a message must be made.
A manageable first recording
- Ask permission for a ten-minute conversation.
- Choose one easy subject.
- Test the sound for twenty seconds.
- Ask one question and let the answer unfold.
- Save the original with a clear name.
- Make a second copy and note who may hear it.
That is enough. You have preserved not only what the person remembers, but something of the way they tell it.
Preserve something they actually said
Once Spoken is a community-supported memorial service centred on the person’s own words and, where available, a recording of their voice. If you are remembering someone who has died, you can create a simple memorial when it feels right.