How to use these questions
Read slowly and stop when one question brings something back. Write the words in the way the person actually used them—their grammar, nickname, dialect or repeated joke may be the part that makes the memory recognisable.
If several people knew them, answer separately before comparing notes. Different relationships often hold different versions of the same voice.
Their everyday voice
- What did they say when they answered the phone?
- How did they greet you when you arrived?
- What did they say when you left?
- Did they have a name or nickname for you?
- Which word did they pronounce in their own particular way?
- What phrase did they repeat when giving advice?
- What did they say when somebody was worried?
- How did they encourage you?
- What did they say when they disagreed?
- Was there a warning you heard more than once?
Humour and habits
- Which joke did everybody know was coming?
- What made them laugh before they reached the end of a sentence?
- Did they have a favourite complaint?
- What did they say about the weather?
- What phrase appeared whenever something went wrong?
- What did they say when things went well?
- How did they order a drink or a meal?
- What did they say while cooking?
- Was there a phrase connected with tea, coffee or food?
- What did they call a favourite place?
Family and belonging
- What did they say to children in the family?
- How did they speak to pets?
- What did they say on birthdays or at Christmas?
- Was there a family tradition they introduced with the same words?
- What advice did they give about work?
- What did they say about money?
- How did they describe a good person?
- What did they say about getting older?
- Was there a saying they inherited from someone else?
- Which expression shows where they came from?
The words that remain
- What did they say when telling a favourite story?
- Was there a line everyone could join in with?
- What did they write at the end of messages or cards?
- Is there a voicemail or voice note you remember?
- What ordinary instruction now sounds unmistakably like them?
- What did they say that annoyed you then but makes you smile now?
- Which few words best capture their sense of humour?
- What sentence makes you hear their exact tone of voice?
- If they walked into the room now, what would they probably say first?
- Which words would you most want somebody who never met them to hear?
When a phrase comes back
Write it down immediately, even if you are unsure of the exact wording. Add who remembers it and the situation in which it was usually said. You can check the wording with somebody else later.
Try to distinguish between words the person actually said and a loving description written about them. “She always made us feel safe” is a tribute. “Coats on—we’re going to sort this out” may preserve her voice. Both matter, but they do different jobs.
If remembering feels difficult
There is no deadline. You can save these questions and return to them another day, or ask somebody you trust to record the answers for you. If hearing recordings is painful, make safe copies without listening and leave the rest until you are ready.
Keep one thing they said
Once Spoken is a community-supported memorial service centred on the person’s own words. You can create a simple memorial and invite others to remember them too.